Ghosts of Redemption
by Setfiregirl
Summary: Two months after the Cell Games, a dead Goku is visited by the Ghost of Remorse who foretells the coming of three spirits, sent to show him all his mistakes and the consequences of his actions. Fatherly!Goku, AUish. T for angst and typical DBZ violence
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I do NOT own Dragon Ball Z or any of its characters, however much I'd like to. If I DID own it, you'd be sure to know.

**Ghosts of Redemption:**

**Prologue**

Son Goku smiled in contentment and patted his now-full belly. Nothing was better than stuffing your face full of delicious food, seated at a ten foot long table big enough to hold a feast upon.

Except, maybe, stuffing your face with your wife's cooking -which was, arguably, the best food ever cooked- with your family and friends, Goku thought, his smile dropping a few notches. But he had been dead for nearly two months now, so that option was out.

It was for the best; he was always drawing trouble to Earth somehow, so it would be better if he stayed dead. That way his family and friends would be safe. It didn't matter if he wasn't happy, and he was certainly was not.

Goku shook his head, frowning, trying to shift his mind from the path it was wandering down. He needed a distraction.

And a distraction he got.

"Goku! Get over here, I need to talk to you!" A loud nasal voice called from somewhere behind the lounging Saiyan. "Cell is throwing another fit down in HFIL and King Yemma wants you to go sort it out again!"

The ever enthusiastic Saiyan sat up abruptly. "Really? Again? All right! Finally something to do!" In just a few short seconds, Goku had shot to his feet and teleported down to the Home For Infinite Losers, ready to put the power-hungry cockroach/grasshopper android back in his place once more.

After a few hours of batting Cell around HFIL and successfully having a blood-boiling fight with the monster that had killed him, Goku felt he had accomplished his original goal of alleviating his boredom and thus returned to the newly-restored planet of King Kai to take a long nap.

King Kai had left to run errands, according to the note pinned to the door, and would be back in a few days, but Goku suspected he was just taking a vacation for a while. Well, all the better for him! You needed to take a vacation every once and a while, or you'd get too stressed and your body would give out on you! Even if you were already dead…

That being decided, Goku lay back against one of the few trees on the small planet and closed his eyes, prepared for a nice long eight-hour nap at least. Maybe, if King Kai stayed gone for a while, he could sleep for a few days! It wasn't like he had anything else to do, other than eat and train, right?

"Wrong," a voice spoke in a monotone from somewhere above Goku, and with a loud yelp, the black-haired man jumped to his feet and automatically dropped into a fighting stance.

"Calm down; I'm here to help you, not attack." The voice was coming from a tall black figure who was floating six feet in the air in front of Goku. Because the figure was wearing a full body cloak, complete with hood, Goku was unable to tell who -or what- the figure was, but he would guess from the voice and the shape of the cloak that it was a man. A man with a hardened voice and a strangely familiar ki signature, though Goku was sure he'd never sensed it before.

Goku slowly relaxed out of his ready crouch and frowned. "Who…who are you?"

The man chuckled darkly. "Sorry, I can't tell you that, it's against the rules. But for now, you may call me the Ghost of Remorse, if you must have a name for me."

Goku tilted his head to one side, noting the bright gold ring floating above the hooded man's head. "You're dead," he pointed out seriously.

The Ghost of Remorse seemed to shake his head in amusement. "So are you."

"Yeah, I suppose I am…" Goku agreed good-naturedly, folding his arms over his chest comfortably. "So, why are you here? And how did you get here, anyway? Did you come on Snake Way?"

The Ghost shook his head. "No. How I appear before you I cannot say and it is non of your concern either way."

"Fair enough." Goku looked the cloaked man up and down. "You're dressed a bit weird; aren't you hot in that?"

Remorse sweat-dropped. Was Son Goku really that much of an idiot? "It doesn't matter; I was sent here for a purpose, and I intend to carry it out.

"I was sent here to warn you Kakkarott, son of Bardock and Elliena, adoptive grandson of Son Gohan, the first Super Saiyan in over a thousand years; father of Son Gohan, husband of Son Chichi, Protector of Earth and the surrounding universe, defeater of Freeza, King Piccolo, and many, many other evils."

Goku stared back at the Ghost, all traces of humor and light-heartedness gone. "How do you know all that about me?"

Remorse shook his head, his voice inexplicably sorrowful. "I know more than you think. I've been watching you for many years, and I've seen your life change with every choice you've made. And I have seen the choices you've made now, and the consequences of those actions."

"What are you--" Goku started to ask, but the Ghost of Remorse shook his head to silence him.

"I know why you've chosen the paths you have, as I too have done, but I must warn you not to go any further toward the end you may see." Here the ghost paused and his next words seemed strained. "I was once like you; I was rash, chose what path I thought best and assumed that I had been right, not realizing what I'd caused by my careless actions. And many have suffered from it; for that I am truly sorry. You are headed down the same path."

Goku stared back that the ghost, shocked. "What are you talking about? I haven't done anything…"

Remorse shook his head. "You don't realize it now, and that is why I'm hear: you have no idea what ripples you've created with one small, seemingly insignificant pebble. These ripples will cause pain, fear, hate and death for many thousands of people."

A translucent screen appeared next to Goku, glittering and flickering like a crystal of snow caught by sunlight. After a few seconds, a fog appeared on the screen which soon dissolved into a blood red moon. The view panned to show crimson rain coming from a black cloud, and suddenly heart-wrenching screams of pain and terror were heard from the translucent viewing window. The Saiyan warrior flinched, eyes wide with horror at the sound.

"I am here to warn you that you have yet a chance of erasing those ripples, of preventing that pebble from being cast. It is not a small effort, and you must _want _to catch that pebble before it hits the placid lake, otherwise it will never succeed." The Ghost of Remorse shook his head sorrowfully and slowly the screen disappeared, the agonized yells fading slowly. "I hope for your sake that you chose your actions wisely."

"What…are you saying?" Goku asked quietly, face pale. "I don't understand…What pebble did I throw? What have I done that could possibly cause so much pain…?"

Remorse's shape was beginning to become fuzzy now. "I cannot say; you will have to find out on your own.

"Listen close and listen well, Son Goku: You will be haunted by two spirits and, if you chose wisely, a third will come before you. Only with their help can you hope to change the future I have alluded to."

By now the Ghost of Remorse was just a faded black outline, but his voice remained clear. "Expect the first ghost, the Ghost of Consequences future, by the end of the hour. From there, I cannot see what lies beyond your path, but I hope that it is a different end than I've seen."

"Wait!" he called, reaching forward to grasp at thin air, but with a shake of his head, Remorse faded completely.

And then Goku was alone, staring at the space in front of him where moments ago the Ghost of Remorse had been, foretelling his doom.

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**:D Okay, I haven't tried a Dragon Ball Z fanfiction before...don't shoot me, okay? It may be old, but it still kicks some major butt. Well, up until the Majin Buu saga u.u;**

**Anyway, this is based, more or less, off of A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickonson, which I don't own any more than DBZ. This story started a while ago when I was in my communities local production of A Christmas Carol --I just played an extra, so don't get exited :p-- So this story came from that. I'm trying something I've rarely done when it comes to fanfiction and writing on a word program instead of a notebook, so the updates may or may not be quick. I'll try to at least have one chapter ahead complete before uploading anything, that way I'll have something in store so it won't go TOO long without an update. **

**PLEASE REVIEW! Okay? Reviews are like little Christmas presents come two weeks early :D Seriously, when I read reviews containing anything from praise to light critiquing, I pretty much glow with happieness!  
**


	2. Ghost of Consequence Future

**Woot! Yes, a new chapter! So much for the Christmasy time period I was gonna post this during....n.n; Well, with festivities, school, new obsessions....I got a little distracted. I'm still working on the next chapter, but I'm gonna post this anyway. If there are any mistakes, um, I haven't read this over in a while and I don't have a beta --usually my sister rereads my stuff and corrects it for me, but she hasn't the slightest interest in this story I guess....Anyway, onward!**

* * *

Ghosts of Redemption

Chapter One:

The Ghost of Consequences Future

Goku stared at the place that the Ghost of Remorse had been a few minutes ago, his mouth hanging open slightly. "What…was that?" he asked the empty air, not really expecting a response. For a while Goku just stared, trying to process what had happened, but after a while he just sat down with a small 'thud' and stayed like that, too befuddled to do anything else.

_What…have I done that could cause such…horrible things? Am I truly to blame for what Remorse showed me in that vision? No…I can't be…That can't be right…_

How long he sat there, lost in his thoughts, he didn't know. Soon enough, though, he realized that he wasn't alone. Slowly, Goku stood up and slid his gaze over the small planet, searching for whoever was there.

"Hello there," a pleasant voice said from behind Goku. The Saiyan spun around quickly and found himself face to face with a small girl who appeared to be no more than ten.

She was small, with long, flowing black hair that fell in a nearly straight line down to her knees. She wore nothing except a hooded black robe, with the hood down so Goku could see her pale, childish face. Something about the shape of her features unsettled him; they were much too mature for such a young girl, and too inhuman in their beauty. Also, instead of a golden halo above her head, she had a narrow silver ring, and her outline was barely visible; she seemed to merely blend into the background, the wind not even touching her form.

But it was here eyes that sent shivers up and down his spine.

Where one would expect to see large, innocent eyes of maybe blue or brown, instead were narrow, almond-shaped eyes with piercing white-blue irises. The young girl stared calmly at Goku, her cherubic face undisturbed by the look the Saiyan was giving her. Something about her ki was off, as if she didn't have one but was still incomprehensively strong and simply hiding it.

Goku frowned at the girl, his eyes wary. "Who are you?"

She smiled, apparently unconcerned with the look Goku was giving her. "I am the Ghost of Consequence Future. I am here to show you the future of the planet you call home, should you continue down the path you're on."

Goku furrowed his brow. "The future of Earth…? How would you know what lies in the future?"

The Ghost of Consequence Future smiled. "Oh, I know everything that lies in the future. I know the futures of everyone and everything, even as they change; I know each and every possibility and the outcome of ever move you make," she replied impishly, giving Goku a tiny wink. "That's why I'm called the Ghost of Consequence _future._"

"Oh…So you're here to show me what will happen in the future….whatever it is that I caused that Remorse was alluding to?" Goku asked, biting his lip.

Consequence nodded. "That's right. And you don't have a lot of time. Let us go." She offered her hand to Goku and watched him with an expectant look. Goku hesitantly took her hand and was surprised by the tingle that ran up his spine once he touched her.

"What…where are you taking me?" Goku demanded in a wary voice as lighting crackled around the two and the scenery began to flicker.

"I'm taking you to the future. Five years into the future of Earth." Consequence furrowed her brow in concentration and after a few seconds of nauseating dizziness, not unlike the feeling of Instant Transmission, Goku opened his eyes to an unsettling sight.

The sky was a dark blue, almost black; the stars were little red pricks and the moon was no longer silver. Instead a blood red orb hung in the night sky, casting an eerie glow over a destroyed city. Buildings lay in ruins and smoke rose from any number of fires in what used to be a wealthy city; now it was no more than a deserted wasteland with no sign of life except for a few raccoons and mice. Ruined, blood-stained possessions were strewn across miles and miles of remains.

Goku felt another wave of nausea and staggered slightly, unbalanced. "What…what happened here? What kind of…monster…did this?"

Consequence Future shook her head sadly. "I cannot say; you must find out on your own. Know only that the creature who did this is not solely responsible for its actions.

"This, right here, is much like the future Trunks came from to warn you about the androids. The causes are different, but the results are the same: pain, fear, death and hate. You must discover for yourself what caused this, as it was fully in your power to stop," she said softly and her form blurred more, so she was only just visible. "I will say no more; I am here only to accompany you on your search for answers and to take you where you will."

Goku grimaced and looked around, trying to ignore the pit of horror in his stomach. Cautiously, he began to wander the broken city, looking for any survivors. The more he saw, the more his stomach churned: it was clear that whoever had done this had shown no mercy. As Goku drew nearer the center of the city, something caught his attention.

All of the wreckage seemed to have been blown away from one point of the city. At the epicenter of the once beautiful metropolitan there was a huge crater with long cracks leading away from it; it was not unlike the ones caused whenever he, Vegeta, or any of the other Z Fighters caused when they were releasing a supreme amount of energy.

It was a while before Goku realized that the Ghost of Consequence Future had been following him. However, he didn't actually mind; it was comforting to know that he was not the only sentient being in the area.

Finally, though, the Saiyan could take it no more. Spinning around to face the child-like spirit, he had to ask. "What happened here? What caused this? How am I to blame?"

Consequence shook her head. "I cannot say….would you like to see another city? This, I believe, will answer some of your questions…."

"Please!" Goku begged, unable to stand not knowing any longer.

The Ghost of Consequence future frowned disapprovingly. "Do not be so eager to discover the doom of the Earth; nothing in this world is as you remember it."

Goku was puzzled by this, but did not apologize for his actions. "Please. Just show me more."

Consequence took Goku's hand once more and with another whirl of color and sound, the were in a different city.

This one was much the same, but for the more recent sounds of collapsing buildings and agonized screams of dying people. Bodies were laying in piles around the city, some dead, some wounded. Most were in shock.

In what seemed to be the middle of the damaged area, a human-shaped figure stood unsteadily with its back to Goku and Consequence.

Goku paled as he recognized the spiky black hair and side profile of the figure. "Gohan!" he called, starting forward, but was stopped by the spirit.

"He can't hear or see you. We are nothing more than shadows of the past."

"But…that's my son!" Goku said, looking at Gohan with agonized eyes. "I want to make sure he's alright! He's…covered in blood!"

When Consequence spoke, her voice was quiet and regretful. "It's not _his_ blood that stains his hands…"

Goku frowned, confused. "What are you talking about…whose blood--" the full blooded Saiyan's eyes widened in horror. "You're not suggesting that--that _Gohan_ had something to do with…with this…?"

"Watch…" Consequence murmured and stepped forward, so that she was standing over Gohan.

Goku opened his mouth to protest, but was distracted by the sight of Gohan's trembling shoulders. Confused, he moved closer to try and see what was wrong.

"Not again….No, please…not again…I did it again…" Gohan whimpered, his whole body racked with quiet sobs. Tears streaming down his face in silent rivers, the young half-Saiyan wrapped his blood-covered hands around himself, his form shaking with suppressed emotions.

"What's he talking about?" Goku demanded, concerned, as he knelt next to his son.

There was no response from the spirit, only an agonized groan from Gohan as the young man held his hands in front of him to examine the blood on them. He chuckled bitterly and stood up on unsteady feet.

As he staggered towards another part of the dead city, Gohan gathered a tiny bit of ki in his right hand and concentrated it on his index finger. With quick, precise movements, he yanked up the sleeve of his black sweater, revealing a line of scars, horizontal to his wrist. There were over a dozen, reaching nearly up to his elbow; some were clearly old, nearly fully healed, but about four or five were still only scabbed over. With a determined frown, Gohan used his ki laced finger to make a small slash next to the line of others.

Goku, a horrified look on his face, lunged forward, ready to intervene. He was stopped by the Ghost of Consequence Future putting an arm in front of him and shaking her head slightly.

"Gohan! What do you think you're doing?!" yelled Goku, but it went unheard. He watched, helpless, as Gohan sat there, bleeding profusely from his left arm with an almost indifferent look of satisfaction on his face.

"Gohan!" another voice snapped from behind Goku and he was almost literally pushed aside, despite being nothing more than a spirit visage, as Piccolo stalked over to the young teen and yanked him to his feet by the collar of his shirt. "What are you _doing_!?"

Gohan looked up at his old mentor meekly. "Hello Piccolo-san," he greeted with a small, tired smile.

Piccolo glowered back at Gohan, unamused. "Are you _trying _to kill yourself?"

Gohan bit his lip and didn't respond. Instead, he shifted from foot to foot woozily, trying to tug the sleeve of his shirt back down over his arm.

"I already saw, kid." Piccolo folded his arms over his chest in agitation. "Would you care to explain what or who possessed you to slit your own wrist in self-inflicted punishment?"

Gohan wouldn't meet Piccolo's gaze. "Piccolo…you've seen what I've done…I can't just…let myself--"

Piccolo's growl cut him off. "Yes. And I'm also one of the few people who know that you aren't to blame for it. What's your point?"

The black-haired sixteen year old finally turned his agonized eyes to his old teacher. "Piccolo, I _am_ to blame. I might not have _meant _to do it, but I _have._ It's like…like I've become some monster, and I can't control my own body anymore; but at the same time it _is _me, or another _side _of me. I just…I don't know what to do anymore…" he whispered and sank back to the ground, wincing as he jostled his left arm.

Piccolo stared down at him with a scowl, but his eyes were soft. "Gohan, this isn't healthy. At all. Now, I know you've had a…hard…childhood, but that isn't an excuse for….this!" he spat, glaring at the blood seeping down Gohan's arm. "You need to stop beating yourself up over things that are, and always have been, out of your control. Go home and see your family, kid. Maybe it'll calm you down."

For a second, Gohan looked somewhere between horrified and scared. "Piccolo, I _can't._ I-- I don't think I could…." He gulped tried to reason with his former teacher. "You know how I…I told you how I feel about that….I don't think I would be able to go back and see them without…snapping again. And I'm--" Gohan paused and took a deep breath. "I'm not even sure I _want _to go back."

There was a moment of silence from the Namekian before he sighed. "I can't make you go back. But you should know that you're not the only person you're hurting with that decision; you're being a hypocrite."

Gohan flinched and pulled himself back to his feet. "The point is, Piccolo, it may hurt more people _emotionally_, but it's better physically in the long run. If I had one of my…mood sings at home-- well, it wouldn't be pretty." He shuddered at the thought, his face pained.

Piccolo examined Gohan's face evenly, his eyes betraying none of the sympathy he was feeling. "Kid…you know you're not alone, don't you?"

Gohan gave him a tiny smile. "Thanks, Piccolo-san."

Just as Goku reached out to try and touch his son's shoulder, however hopeless it might have been, the scene dissolved around him, so that he was staring at a empty blackness that seemed to stretch on forever. Turning his tormented eyes toward the Ghost of Consequence Future, he spoke. "Please tell me that this isn't real; Gohan can't be a killer. He's…just a child."

Future shook her little head in slight distress. "Your son hasn't been 'just a child' since he was kidnapped by your brother, Raditz. While you were too busy saving the Earth and the surrounding galaxy, your little boy grew up into a strong young warrior. To some degree, you knew this, but you recognized it not as a father watching his son grow up, but as a warrior seeing a bright new fighter.

"From the time that he turned six, Gohan was prepared to die to save the planet, just like his father would have done. That doesn't mean he particularly _wanted _to be a martyr, but he knew that if his death meant the life of millions of people, he would gladly do it. You sent your own son to face against a monster more powerful than even yourself, not realizing that he would follow your wishes even if he had no desire to, simply out of devotion to you; out of love and duty." The spirit turned her back on Goku's horrified face and absently twirled her finger loosely, as if she was winding a strand of hair around the tiny index finger.

The blackness around them began to spin, twisting into a vortex mixed with every shade of the rainbow, the colors so bright that it hurt Goku's eyes. Consequence continued to talk, apparently undisturbed by the change in atmosphere.

"Your son, driven to madness by the horrors of his childhood and the death of his father and by his wilder, Saiyan side, finally snapped and let loose his 'inner demon'. For over a year, he's been alternating between the two sides of him: his darker more evil side, the side which stems from his alien warrior blood, and his human side; the side that is a scared, lonely child who never really had a chance to live his own life."

As she spoke, the whirling mass straightened out into a sky, followed quickly by trees, clouds, mountains and a small cottage.

A woman stood outside the tiny house, her black hair blowing in a cool breeze as she watched the heavens. "Oh Goku…." she whispered, her voice longing. "I wish you could know how much I miss you…." Sadly, she turned and reentered the house accompanied, though she didn't know it, by the Ghost of Consequence and her dead husband.

Still trying to process what he'd seen in the first vision, Goku didn't notice right away the small, nearly identical copy of himself seated on the kitchen counter. It wasn't until he'd followed Future and Chichi right to the stove and the boy spoke up that he realized his wife wasn't alone.

"Momma, will big brother ever come home?" he asked sorrowfully, hopping down from the marble counter and clinging to his mother's leg.

Chichi smiled sadly down at her youngest son. "Well, your brother has a lot of things he needs to do; he'll come home when he's finished …sorting things out…" She stared out the window for a few moments before scooping up the little four and a half year old.. "Come on, let's go for a walk, Goten."

Goten beamed, his unhappiness forgotten. "Okay! Let's fish some, too!"

Chichi ruffled Goten's spiky black hair. "We'll see."

And out the door they went, leaving a stunned Goku and an indifferent Ghost of Consequences in the kitchen, watching their departure.

"I…have another son?" he asked, eyes wide with astonishment. "But-- how is that…?"

Consequence shot him a disapproving look. "You're seeing the wrong things. Your wife is pregnant with your second child -your first son having a neglected childhood at best-, who will grow up with an upset teenage boy who blames himself for his father's death, a recently widowed mother, and no father figure around, and all you can think is that your wife is carrying another child? I find that appalling."

Goku's shocked expression dropped to one of shame, but before he could defend himself, the door to the house opened and one blood-covered, exhausted, and uneasy teenaged boy crept in, eyes darting around in search of his family. When he found the home empty, he breathed a small sigh of relief and ran a hand through his hair, probably wondering how he let Piccolo talk him into this.

After a few seconds of gazing nostalgically around the living room and kitchen, Gohan headed down the hall to his room, no doubt in search of clean clothes and a shower, so as not to scare his mother.

As Goku followed his son down the hall, his eyes stayed focused on the pictures on the walls of first him, Chichi and Gohan, then Goten, Chichi and -sometimes- a very weary looking Gohan. With a longing look of his own, Goku pushed open the door to his eldest son's room and took in the sight before him with a pained expression.

His son's once tidy, simple room was nearly unrecognizable: books were strewn messily across a gouged desk, clothes lay in dirty piles on the floor, the bed was rumpled and the blankets tangled at the foot of the bed and a sheer two inches of dust covered everything in the room. A torn, bloodstained pile of clothes lay on the floor by Gohan's dresser.

Goku walked forward quietly and peered at the top shelf of Gohan's bookcase. Exactly where he'd last seen them, a choice few framed photos were nestled beside other prized possessions. One of the three pictures was of a tiny, giggling baby Gohan with a furry brown tail, sitting on his mother's lap next to Goku with the Ox King standing behind them; all four of them were beaming.

The second picture was the entire Z gang: Tien, Chaotsu, Yamcha, Bulma, Vegeta, Krillin, Piccolo, Mirai Trunks, Goku and Gohan. They were all crowded on Capsule Corp.'s huge back lawn, grinning -except for Piccolo and Vegeta- linked arm in arm. Gohan was hovering a few feet in the air, one arm around his father's shoulder, the other linked with Piccolo's arm, positively radiating happiness. The picture was taking two days before the Cell Games, after the whole gang had finished training and even Vegeta was resting -how Bulma had managed to get him to sit for the picture was still a mystery.

The final picture was face down on the shelf and shoved so far behind the others that it was almost unnoticeable. When Goku flipped it up he saw, with a more than a twinge of sorrow, that it was a picture of just him and Gohan. It had been taken during the three years of training for the androids, and father and son stood beside each other, bother proudly displaying their identical orange gi as they brandished victory signs at the camera -or, rather, the one taking the picture; Chichi- with matching grins.

After a few seconds of startling grief, Goku replaced the photo on the shelf. As he turned to go, a flash of orange caught his eye. Spinning back to look at the bookcase, Goku saw something that made a lump rise in his throat.

The four star Dragon Ball was sitting there, nestled on a red plush cushion, with light glinting off of the little red stars in the setting sunlight.

Whipping his head around to face the Ghost of Consequence, Goku could hold his silence no longer. "How can I have caused all this? Is it really my fault that Gohan's like--like this?"

Consequence stared back at him evenly. "It is not any one person's fault that your son hates you--" Goku flinched "--but your own. More so, he resents the fact that you were never there in his life; that you chose to be a fighter before a father. And it is that resentment that finally pushed him over the edge and drove him to what he is now."

Gohan reentered the room then, having showered quickly and changed into a fresh set of clothes, toweling his hair dry. He crossed to his bed and sat down, unable to ignore the memories the room brought back.

Attempting to distract himself, Gohan stood up and crossed to his bookcase, pausing when his eyes fell on the photographs. Gohan picked up the group picture and stared at it for a few minutes, his expression unreadable.

After a few seconds, he replaced the picture and picked up the one of him and his father in one hand, cradling the four star ball in his other. "Dad…I miss you so much," the teenage boy whispered, tears gathering in his eyes. "And I'm so, so sorry for what I've--what I've done. I just…" Gohan shook his head and put the picture back, but continued to cling to the Dragon Ball as if his life depended on it.

Goku blinked away his own tears, recalling all the mistakes he'd made with his family: when he'd been training for the arrival of the Saiyans; when he'd stayed in outer space, training, after the battle on Namek; when they'd be training for the androids and he'd concentrated mostly on helping Gohan become stronger, instead of paying attention to his son; now, when he'd _chosen _to stay dead instead of being with his family.

How could he have been so stupid? It was like his family was chasing him, trying to reach him and be with him, and he just kept running from them, heedless to their pain.

Gohan crumpled to the ground and leaned up against the wall, clutching the Dragon Ball in front of him and watching his tears drip onto it. "Dad, I'm a killer; I'm a monster worse than any of the villains we've faced. I promised myself that I'd never hurt anyone, but look at me now." He laughed bitterly. "I've destroyed entire cities and tortured hundreds of people to death more times than I can count.

"That's why I cut myself, you know. Not only to punish myself -slitting my wrists isn't enough punishment anyway- but so that I can keep track of how many times I've lost myself in anger. One cut for every city I destroy…" He smiled grimly and rubbed away his tears with the back of his hand. "Piccolo will probably chain me to a mountain if I don't stop this soon, but I don't know if I can, even…

"Sometimes I just get _so angry _that I can't even stop myself. It's usually the little things that set me off. A murderer, so blatantly ending countless lives that you died to protect; a man, not stopping to enjoy life as he busily rushes through the day, so eager to get home, drink beer and do nothing; endless greed and stupidity…. Mom and Goten, so happy, so loving, the family I never had…Goten has the childhood I wish I could have gotten. That's why I hate him so much." Here, Gohan's words turned furious, and his eyes blazed teal. "He gets to be a child; he gets to live without fear and pain and horror, without seeing his friends die, not having to fight just to survive," he spat, glaring now. Then, just as quickly as he'd become angry, he was suddenly a mournful teenager again.

"But I can't blame him; I pity him, to an extent. After all, there were a lot of things I did have….You, for one. No one could ask for a better teacher: you and Piccolo were the greatest martial artists in the world. And even if you weren't always there, when you did care, you were always a wonderful parent. Like when I was really young, before Raditz came, and you used to teach me things, things that mom never could have taught me from a book. And it isn't _Goten's _fault that I had such a horrible childhood. No…" Gohan's eyes were full of rage again, and he flashed up to Super Saiyan in an instant. "If it's anyone's fault, it's _yours. _Why couldn't you realize, dad, that I was interested in fighting because of _you. _That I wanted to be just like: strong, brave, loving. I didn't want to be a fighter; I didn't want to be a killer…

"I don't want to be bad." Gohan whimpered, curling into a ball and sobbing brokenly.

Something clicked in the back of Goku's head; he'd heard Gohan say that before. A long, time ago, back when he thought he knew his son.

"_No! Stop! Please, please don't!" a young boy's voice yelled, anguish, his words echoing across the vast, white wasteland, echoing back to him and reverberating in his sensitive ears._

_Gohan thrashed about wildly on his bed, his blankets on the ground, tangled, his sheets twisted around his ankles. "Please, stop it! I'm sorry, I didn't--I don't…" he whimpered, curly up on his side with tears streaming down his cheeks._

_Goku knelt on the bed next to this son, a concerned look on his face as he tried to release Gohan from the clutches of the one enemy he couldn't seem to protect him from: his dreams. "Gohan! Gohan, wake up!"_

_It had been this way for almost two months: ever since Gohan had finally gone Super Saiyan, he had been plagued by near-constant nightmares of any number of things ranging from everyone the half Saiyan loved being killed by Freeza or the androids -even though Cell was the current threat; Gohan still hadn't seen Cell, so he wasn't in his dreams- to old flashbacks of Raditz. His current nightmare seemed to have been reoccurring for about a week and Goku still couldn't get Gohan to tell him what it was about._

_Finally Gohan sat bolt upright, his eyes snapping open to reveal not childish black irises, but cold, hard blue eyes lined with murderous rage. A wild burst of wind nearly blew Goku back as Gohan's hair spiked upwards and turn gold._

_It lasted only a split second before Gohan returned to normal, but for that brief moment, Goku was actually afraid of his son._

_Carefully, the full Saiyan crawled back to the bed and peered into Gohan's tear filled eyes, searching for any malice. When he found none, Goku settled himself on the bed next to Gohan and pulled the terrified boy into a hug. Gohan relaxed slightly and sniffled, clinging to his father's shirt for dear life._

_After a few tender moments of silence, Goku spoke. "So, are you finally going to tell me what this one is about? Or are you going to let it continue to come back and bother you. It seems to me like the nightmares are getting worse._

_Gohan whimpered and shook his head adamantly._

_Goku sighed and ruffled Gohan's hair comfortingly. "C'mon Gohan, it's common knowledge that confiding your bad dreams to someone helps them get better. Now tell me what's bothering you so much that it's affecting your dreams."_

_The young half-Saiyan hesitated, chewing his lip. "But --Promise you won't be angry with me?" Confused, Goku nodded. "Okay…It's just…In my dream I'm--I turn Super Saiyan --only it's not Super Saiyan it's more powerful-- and I…I let the power go to my head and the enemy I'm fighting --I can only see a black shadow, so I don't know what or who it is-- I become so sadistic, so evil and furious that I…" Gohan gulped and shook his head again, unable to continue._

_Goku rubbed his son's back soothingly. "Hey, it's okay. Don't be hard on yourself. It took me four months to master going Super Saiyan without loosing myself, and you've only been doing it for half that time, yet you're twice as good."_

_Gohan sniffled and shook his head again. "But daddy, that's --that's not all that happens in the dream. After I --after I've …toyed with the monster and killed him…I can't--I can't stop myself from becoming an unstoppable monster, bent on destroying the Earth and I go on a rampage and--and--"_

"_Shh," Goku whispered, having heard enough. Gently, he grabbed Gohan's chin a forced him to look up, ignoring the desperate, scared look in his eyes. "Gohan, you're not a killer. You'd never do those things and you know it, so why are you letting the thought bother you?"_

_Gohan avoided his father's gaze. "I-I just…sometimes when I go super, I just feel so _wild, _and…and _evil._ Like I can't control myself."_

"_But you _can _control yourself and you_ do. _Don't you trust yourself?" When Gohan looked down, ashamed, Goku simple sighed and put his hands on Gohan's shoulders. "Son, believe in yourself! I know you're strong enough to trust yourself, so why don't you? If you can't trust yourself, can you try to trust me?"_

_Gohan looked up, eyebrows furrowed in puzzlement. _

"_Gohan, I _promise _that you will never become consumed by your power. And if you somehow do, I'll be there for you; I won't let you become evil. Does that sound better?"_

_Gohan's eyes filled with relief. "Okay. Thanks dad." He wiped his tears away and smiled. "I trust _you._"_

_Goku smiled and smoothed his son's hair. "That's my little warrior. Now get some sleep."_

Goku snapped out of his trance as Consequence tugged on his arm and frowned up at him.

"You're supposed to be paying attention," she said disapprovingly and Goku blinked, shaking his head to rid himself of any other memories.

"Sorry," he muttered, still trying to erase the horrible feeling he got from that flashback. How could he have been so stupid? He'd promised his son that he'd be there for him….that he wouldn't let him become evil. And not only did he push him to become overwhelmed by his power when he'd made him fight Cell, but he had actually _chosen _to stay dead, breaking that promise.

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**Yay!! Angst!! OOCness!! :D This is kinda....well, this is the most angsty/evil/emo/totally-dark-and-depressing thing I've ever written, and hopefully it'll get better. I'm looking at five, six chapters I think, but hopefully I'll get back into writing soon and there'll be more. PLEASE REVIEW! Okay? I mean, sure, I love that people are adding this/me to alerts/favorites, but could you at least review?! I _know _you've read it since you added it to alert, but you didn't review D: I can track you by that, y'know!!**


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